DISCLAIMER: Let me just say that I am no hippie. So this is not a step by step plan to get into my pants. I have no problem with hippies, but I find dreadlocks and hairy armpits disgusting. Oh, and pachouli makes me want to throw up. However, my parents used to be oober-hippies. My mom was the first one to burn her bra in highschool, and my dad grew his own weed. When I was born, we lived in the middle of Vermont with no electricity, my mom churned her own butter, I was forced to eat lots of tofu and carob, I drove a tractor at the age of 2, and my dad had a beard down to his bellybutton. THANK GOD they wised up and moved to civilization (Western Massachusetts) when I was 3 years old. I think in some twisted way this upbringing (though I don't remember much) is what brought me to NYC, where I belong, because I fit in so much better with other materialists, fashionistas, and assorted snobs.
But for those of you who dig a little extra hair or flair, this if for you. Got granola fever? Well, rest assured, I'm here to help. If you want to learn how to "get horizontally tangled with a sexy flower child", read on.
I've boiled it down for you:
1. "Be one" with the hippie. You must become one to bang one.
2. Start listening to Jam Bands or any sort of music that incorporates a lot of hand drumming.
3. Talk about every music festival that you went to over the summer and how awesome it were (even if you didn't go to any).
4. Become a raging liberal, teetering on the edge of communism.
5. Change your college major to Environmental Sciences or Ancient Eastern Philosophy and become a registered member of World Wildlife Fund.
6. Make sure that you always have lots of drugs (of varying kinds).
7. Buy a weird looking dog and give it a really strange name.
8. Start playing Ultimate Frisbee, and stop wearing shoes.
I think this about sums it up. I hope all of my hippie-chick-pining fans out there are happy.
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